It is pleasant to take offense

The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to such a pass that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others…

The man who lies to himself can be more easily offended than anyone. You know it is sometimes very pleasant to take offense, isn’t it?

The Brothers Karamazov, Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Recently, a phone conversation ended rudely and left me with angry tears. I recounted the event to lab mates reluctantly at first, but soon I was almost bragging about the encounter. How rude! How scandalous! I was going to call their boss!

This was me (Although my pouting was slightly less attractive)

After retelling the story of my mistreatment to several people, I got a call from The Rude Conversant… apologizing. My bubble of righteous indignation burst unceremoniously into a flat puddle of embarrassment at how much I enjoyed playing the victim in this little micro-drama.

Kathleen Basi at So Much to Say, So Little Time, has an excellent post today about treating others charitably–as a fast-food clerk. Working in a thankless job, it’s easy to feel slighted. Heck, whole lunch hours and happy hours around the world are dedicated to “can-you-top-this” matches about insults from bosses or customers.

Taking offense makes us feel morally superior, but habitually giving into the pleasant feeling of offense turns us into a brittle people. Maintaining a charitable and joyful attitude means rejecting the twisted pleasures of injured pride.

P.S. I’m filing this under “Love and Marriage,” because we all could give our spouses the benefit of the doubt more often, too!